Hole Punch Sports

Who is the best team in the NFC? I know, stupid question. That's like wondering, "Who was a better interim coach, Michael Cooper or Mike Evans?" Or asking a real Colorado sports fan, "Who do you hate less, Al Davis or Bradlee van Pelt?" Nonetheless, the question remains. No matter how good you think the Colts, Broncos, Bengals or double-defending champion Patriots are, at least three of those teams will be watching from home Super Bowl Sunday as an inferior squad competes for the NFL championship. Right now five teams in the NFC have at least 10 wins, and it seems obvious to me that one of them will take the conference crown. (And I do mean one specific team, but we're getting there.) Those teams are: New York, Chicago, Tampa Bay, Carolina, and Seattle. I was going to say "Those teams are from," but let's face it, if Jersey's Giants are from New York, so am I. Anyway, let's start with the Giants : The positives: Eli Manning, the No. 1 ...

Stan Van Gundy, coach of the Miami Heat, resigned today , citing the time his job kept him from his family. The start of the aforelinked article says he "resigned Monday citing family reasons". That's code for: embarrassment over the job his brother is doing in Houston . In all seriousness, I always have mixed feelings over this kind of thing. If Stan Van Gundy is really leaving so he can spend time with his family, that's great. I mean, I'm sure he can afford to take some time off and that's a positive way to spend it. Family's important to me, too. At the same time, I'm not a big fan of a coach quitting in the middle of a contract, much less the middle of a season. Any player who tried this would be blasted for the rest of his career. Is being a coach a lot more time-consuming than it was last year? I doubt it. Van Gundy knew what he was getting into. Besides, shouldn't a coach be held to a higher standard than the athletes because of his positi...

Everyone's asked me lately what I think of the Gary Barnett firing, and I have to say: it feels pretty good. It doesn't feel good because he was a bad coach-the program is in eons better shape than it was under Rick Neuheisel. It doesn't feel good that we got rid of this scumbag-because he's not one. Step aside, Winston Churchill: Gary Barnett is a great man . I'm not even happy because, after the Terrell Owens situation proved me remarkably pro-labor, Barnett is pocketing $3 million. No, I'm happy because as a University of Colorado employee, this firing proves that I have basically unlimited job security. Let's face it, what hasn't Barnett done in the last few years to try to get canned? Claimed blissful unawareness of scandalous recruiting practices? Check. Insult an alleged rape victim? Check. Lose a big game 70-3? Checkmate. But hey, at least the players are starting to recognize they represent the university and are doing so with class. Um, wait, m...

The hot topic, and one it's finally late enough in the season to address appropriately: will the Colts go undefeated and win the Super Bowl, becoming only the second team ever to do so? No. Why not? Well, to go undefeated requires three things. First, your team has to be really, really good. Second, your team has to stay really healthy. And third, your schedule has to be really, really easy. Do the Colts have what it takes? 1. Are the Colts good enough? The '72 Dolphins are never really judged fairly in historical terms-if anything, going undefeated hurt them, because everyone minimizes that as an accomplishment. And the fact that they've shown T.O.-sized egos in retirement doesn't help their case. I don't think the Dolphins are the best team ever, but they were by far the league's best in 1972. First in offense. First in defense. First in scoring offense. First in scoring defense. Not one but two thousand-yard backs. Am I forgetting anything? Oh yeah, they won...

It's been said that the key to the Broncos' resurgence this season has been the much-improved play of oft-maligned quarterback Jake Plummer. Wrong! Hear me out: Plummer's having a fine year. But outside of chucking a few too many picks last year with either hand or "obscene gestures" with just one (is it just me or does obscene gestures sound a lot worse than just saying he flipped a guy off?), he's done almost everything right in Denver. In fact, I'm not sure he's playing any better now than he did his first year here. Check the numbers: 2003: Went 189-302 (62.6%) for 2182 yards, 15 TDs, and 7 INTs. 2004: Went 303-521 (58.2%) for 4089 yards, 27 TDs, and 20 INTs. 2005: Has gone 160-264 (60.6%) for 1849 yards, 13 TDs, and 3 INTs. If the 2003 totals look low, you'll remember he missed time due to injuries and postseason preparation. If the 2005 totals look low, it's because the season's not over, genius. In 2003 the Broncos started out lookin...

Today you're getting what I think is a first: two posts in one day from Hole Punch Sports! As you have probably already heard, as we do not break news here at Hole Punch Sports, is that Terrell Owens is suspended for three more games and will not play again this season . This comes on the heels of the announcement over the weekend that another Eagles wide receiver, Brian Westbrook, received a $30 million extension from the club. Apparently the Eagles do renogotiate before a contract's up. (Of course, Westbrook is actually a running back, something he's done a pretty awful job of this year-3.5 per carry, on pace for under 700 rushing yards. But he could end up with nearly a thousand yards receiving.) Owens' contract controversy has already been covered splendidly on this website . However, despite all the dire predictions before the year started, T.O. didn't hold out of any actual games, and was playing some of the best football of his career. T.O.'s frustration ...

This football season, like all of them, has been a blessing for me. The Broncos are a game up in the division (though San Diego's closing and K.C. has held pace) and one of my family's schools is in the national-title hunt (Texas, still in it after a narrow 62-0 win at Baylor), but the best part has been the schedule. Almost none of the Broncos games have been on when I'm at church or otherwise occupied. And even though this was the Broncos' bye week, the week also features a matchup of my favorite non-Broncos NFL rivalry, tonight's game pitting the Indianapolis Colts against the New England Patriots. Well, we use "rivalry" in its loosest sense here. Patriots-Colts is a rivalry on par with Globetrotters-Generals, Germany-France, or Enron-business ethics. Or even pre-2004 Red Sox-Yankees. The Colts can't beat the Patriots. Not when it matters, and not when it doesn't. Unless it's somewhere other than a scoreboard. The Colts always field a fantas...

All right, I've lived off the non-glory of the Broncos' loss long enough, it's time to update this website and move on to the Nuggets. We/I at Hole Punch move on with a heavy heart, because it feels like the Finals ended about a month ago, and sometimes it seems like the NBA is all I ever talk about here. (And in the middle of football season!) Anyway, the Denver Nuggets open their season tonight in San Antonio (8 p.m. Eastern on TNT) against the defending champion Spurs, which is to say, we're looking at starting the season off at 0-1, especially with coach George Karl out for the first two games. The question this year is, what will the carryover be for the George Karl effect? Returning primarily the same roster that finished last season with a flourish, the Nuggets look to build on the momentum and contend in the West this year. A few key points, and a bunch of questions: Strengths: The Nuggets are strong in the same areas they've been for the last two playoff s...

Happenings in the three major sports this weekend: Game One of The 2005 WhoCares.Com Bowl, also known as the World Series, is tomorrow. (Seriously, it's time for baseball to swipe that BCS from college football. Yes, it's backwards, but a) it guarantees a recognizable matchup and b) so is baseball.) The Sports Illustrated NBA season preview hits mailboxes and newsstands. The issue is notable only for its props to the Earl of Boykins, whose team it predicts to finish No. 2 (!) in the West. And finally, a full slate of NFL games, which brings us to Broncos-Giants. Now's a good time to point out that I missed something kind of big in the AFC West forecast earlier this week; namely, the Broncos' winning streak is even less impressive than my man Marvelous made it out to be. Why? Because in the last five weeks, the Broncos have already played half of their home games. That's right, four of the five wins came at Mile High II, meaning only four home dates the rest of the...

Sweet! The power just went out and I lost the start to this beautiful post, so here we go again on our tour of the AFC West. Here's the short of it: Denver and San Diego will compete for the division title. Kansas City is in second but still has the same old defense, and Oakland still has the same old one-dimensional offense. As for the long version, well... Denver (5-1): The Broncos wisely heeded the advice of what is surely Coach Shanahan's favorite website and focused on their multifaceted rushing attack to return to prominence. Led by the power of Mike Anderson and the elusive speed of Tatum Bell, the Broncos have propelled their way up the league rushing charts, currently standing in third place with 153 yards per game. Unsurprisingly, this has led to a five-game winning streak (ignore that I wrote that column when the Broncs were already one game into the streak). Who is the man now? The Broncos have played better than recent final scores would indicate, jumping out to ...

It's awfully cheap to pick a World Series winner after the games have started, I know. Thing is, I've been too lazy to update this recently, so you'll just have to trust that I picked my team before the postseason started. But I don't really care if you believe me, because I don't expect to be right. First, I didn't follow baseball much at all this year, and second, baseball's playoffs are so unpredictable, I'd be lucky to be right even if I did. Having said all that, I think the Saint Louis Cardinals will be your 2005 World Series Champions! But I could be happy with a few teams winning, and a lot less happy with others. So instead of making wildly incorrect predictions, here's my picks in order of who I want to win (not who I think will) from most-wanted to least: 1. St. Louis: Because I just picked them and I enjoy being right. (Not to get all cocky here, but Hole Punch Sports has never predicted a champion incorrectly. I have to say that now bec...

At the risk of revealing myself as the idiot I am, I did something stupid this weekend and now wish to brag. So Saturday I moved in to a new apartment. Nice little setup, comes with a detached garage. I've never parked in a garage before, at least not regularly. Anyway, Saturday night I got my car, grabbed the garage door opener, and pulled in. There's no clip on the back of the opener, I noticed, but figured I could just leave it in the car somewhere, so I did. On the way out, I pushed the button on the garage itself (not on the opener) to close it up, and carefully avoid tripping that sensor which would have made me start all over. (As long as we're telling dumb garage stories, when I was a kid and before my parents had that safety sensor, I used to push the garage door button, which was located by the door into the house, then race out, touch one of the lines on the driveway, and try to dive or roll back under the door before the thing crushed me. I now realize this cour...

With so much going on in the world, it's refreshing to see college sports have retained their unique mixture of discipline and fair-mindedness. First up is Adrian Peterson, star tailback for the Oklahoma Sooners. A devastating runner with breakaway ability, Peterson should have won the Heisman last year over the weak-armed Matt Leinart-except we all know million-dollar talent that translates to the pro level automatically excludes one from Hesiman consideration. Anyway, Peterson up and got himself suspended from practice Monday and Tuesday for skipping class. According to university policy, Peterson would have had to have racked up four unexcused absences to get that kind of suspension. Now I know the guy's a football player and academics are clearly in the backseat of his automobile of priorities (yes, thank you, thank you), but being an athlete means he also knows the policy. It seems a little early in the semester to be ditching that often, but what do I know? What I absolu...

Some fans are crazy. I mean, I thought I was excited for the NFL to come back. My roommate shattered this illusion yesterday night. You may recall him from previous posts as a big-time Nets, Angels, and Raiders fan. When he walked in to the house an hour or so before the game, he couldn't hold back a "Woo!" and other random expressions of glee. Amen. The NFL is back! If you weren't a little excited, I'm sure Alex Sudreth would be happy to help you find your way back to your home country. Anyway, he was bouncing around the house, making phone calls, pacing from room to room, and shouting "Woo!" every few minutes. Not during the game, but for the entire hour leading up to it. It was odd. And then the game started. He'd had a phone call last through the start of the kickoff, which he then resumed by calling his friend back after the second play from scrimmage. And he only increased in enthusiasm as the game got underway. I don't know how I could liv...

One grating aspect of sports coverage is when leagues discuss rule changes and the experts come out of the woodwork. You know who I'm talking about-the wiseguys who pump out columns with rule changes so sensible, you almost forget they're either pointless or completely unrealistic. So often the proposed changes would only slightly improve the experience for fans, rather than drawing in any new viewers. Writers say things like: "If baseball really wanted to be more successful, they'd do something about all that standing around." Granted, there are too many moments in any game when a pitcher's attempting his fifteenth straight pickoff throw, but there's no way that an arbitrary limit to the number of pickoff throws, for example, is really going to change people's mind about the sport in general. What really gets me is that it's one of the most popular sports that has all the problems. That's college football. Fun to watch it may be, but it also u...

In this in-between time at the start of football and late-but-not-that-late in the everlasting baseball season, there's not any one topic that stands out, so I thought I'd give you my well thought out opinions on five things in sports (originally ten, but I let No. 3 run so long that I thought I'd cut it short (having now finished this, I realize the word short is out of place here)). This probably means I'll have nothing to write about for weeks, so enjoy. Keep in mind that a) I came up with this list at 2 a.m. this morning (I couldn't sleep and I'm not kidding; you have no idea the kind of pressure that comes with running this website) and b) I'm still not making any money off this, so if it makes no sense, blame yourself (which, interestingly enough, also makes no sense). And we're off! 1) Maurice Clarett vs. Ohio State: Before you skip down to No. 2, which I would certainly do in your position, hear me out. There is actually a little timeliness to t...

Now that we're a week into Broncos training camp, it's time for me to run the standard "Five Questions the Broncos Must Answer in Camp" feature, though they're really more related to the regular season than the camp itself. Today Sports Illustrated's website ran a similar article , except it was five statements, not questions. See, pretending someone actually asked me these questions allows mfor responses heavy on opinion and light on facts. 1. Who will start at running back? As Marvelous nee Pugs recently pointed out, the Post just ran an article saying how well Ron Dayne's running style meshes with Denver's zone-blocking/break-their-knees scheme. That's a joke, right? Even when Ron Dayne was "good", he wasn't that good. He's finished each of his professional seasons with a 3.4 yards per carry average, except in 2001, when he notched a career-best 3.8. Still, the Giants managed to find room in their offense to hand him the ball ...

Rockies : The biggest news is the trade of Shawn Chacon to the New York Yankees. The Rockies got a pair of double-A pitchers out of the deal. The question the article I linked to posed was, doesn't this contradict our build-from-within philosophy? Let me be the first to say: what a stupid question. Who cares? Dan O'Dowd's response was that it strengthens our youth movement. Is that going to be the explanation for every Rockies move, and for how much longer? Not that I've lost patience in this specific plan, any more than that I never believed in it, but younger is not always the same as better. I mean, Chacon's 27, so he ought to have some decent years left. How far in the future are we building for? More to the point, how far out of his prime will Todd Helton be by the time these guys are ready to contribute? I think he'll be the last superstar we have for a while at this rate, so we ought to make use of him. It'll be at least a few years before these guys...

Last week one of my roommates and I were debating the impact of the loss of Larry Brown on the Pistons' hopes next season. My roommate thought Detroit would fall far, finishing no higher than fifth in the East, a number I'm certain he plucked out of thin air. I asked him, who's better? Miami? Who else? My roommate's a delusional Nets fan, so he threw New Jersey on the table, which I of course consider ridiculous. (He's also a huge Angels and Raiders supporter, so you may correctly guess we don't agree on a lot sports-wise.) Why New Jersey? Well, they still have Kidd and Vincent, but they also added Shareef Abdur-Rahim, whom my roommate calls a 20-and-10 guy who never played on a winning team. I inquired, whose fault is that? My roommate later corrected himself and said Abdur-Rahim is a 20-and-8 guy, which is close enough to true, but even further illustrates the point: if he was a better rebounder, maybe his teams would win a little more often. Anyway, I'm n...