Hole Punch Sports

The New England Patriots just went 16-0. Tonight's game was awesome. The Giants played the Patriots pretty closely almost the whole game, even taking a lead into the fourth quarter. I was surprised the Giants played as well as they did, though evidently not as surprised as Bryant Gumbel and Cris Collinsworth, who were saying things like "The Giants are making a game of this" in the first freakin' quarter. Yes, we're three minutes in and I can't believe they haven't lost already. The Patriots set a bunch of non-record records, too. Tom Brady, the obvious MVP of the league this year, finished the season with an unbelievable 50 touchdown passes. (Maybe he deserves to be mentioned in the same breath as Peyton Manning after all?) Not to take anything away from Brady, but with the passing numbers guys have put up lately, I wonder how long that record will stand. Then again, Dan Marino's single-year passing yardage record (5,084 yards in 1984) hasn't been...

After seeing tonight's Denver Broncos-Houston Texans game, I'd like to revisit a piece of everyone-saw-it-coming conventional wisdom: namely, how dumb were the Texans to take Mario Williams over Reggie Bush? Remember, this question was settled for all time last year, when Bush led his New Orleans Saints to the playoffs, while Williams' foibles left the Texans on the couch for the postseason. At least that's the story I remember. But it was really settled the year before that, when both were in college, and when Bush, a.k.a. The Next Gale Sayers, became the highest-paid amateur athlete ever. Just one problem. Williams has been way better than Bush this year. I don't mean to bash Bush for his knee injury, which may or may not keep him out for the rest of the year, even though when analyzing someone's worthiness as a No. 1 overall pick I think it would be fair to do so. Let's look at just the stats, instead. Williams had three-and-a-half sacks tonight to b...

It came out today, and you may have already looked at it. If not, you can download it as a pdf all over the place, including from ESPN.com . Anyway, the big name named in it was Roger Clemens. That's what we've been waiting all this time for? I don't even know what to say, because this is like the least-surprising report of all time. I hate the gotcha crap that goes on when stuff like this happens. You know, the know-it-alls who say how obvious it was that Clemens had been cheating for years—hey, just look at his age! (Did these people say this so confidently  before Clemens was named? No. And have they ever heard of Nolan Ryan?) But seriously. He's huge, he put really big numbers for a really long time, and he's considered this super-intense jerk—basically, he's Barry Bonds on the mound. Setting aside the moral issues of steroid use (and believe me, I'm against it), I was hoping for some entertainment out of today's revelations, and I was sorely dis...

Michael Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison today, and counting time he's already served, he should be released in October 2009. That gives us a chance to look at the question: will Michael Vick ever play in the NFL again? Vick will be 29 when he's released, but there's basically no way he's playing in 2009. What team would take the chance? Basically, you'd have to be a team with championship aspirations that desperately needs a quarterback for several weeks. Considering Vick's reputation and the subsequent PR hit, it would have to be a team with absolutely no scruples. So unless Tom Brady gets hurt in week six of the 2009 season, Vick won't play until 2010, when he'll be 30. Could Vick be a good thirty-year-old quarterback? Well, he obviously relies more on his physical talent than his ability to read coverages. But assuming he can stay in shape, his physical gifts should not vanish before 2010. He'll still be capable of playing in the NFL...

The Denver Broncos destroyed the Kansas City Chiefs yesterday, 41-7. Jay Cutler was absolutely on fire: 20-for-27, 244 yards, four touchdowns, no interceptions. I'm almost surprised that seven of his passes hit the ground, because he was hitting on everything from short-drops to back-foot tosses down the seams. I hate games like this late in the season, that tease with terrific performances. Too bad it'll be nine months before we see if there's any real carryover. Brandon Marshall, who's been good all year, went over a thousand yards receiving, and broke tackles like he always does. If he and Javon Walker are healthy next year, and Cutler plays well out of the gate, this is easily a playoff team, right? But then you remember that we lost by two touchdowns to Oakland last week, and the future looks much less clear. The Patriots, on the other hand, passed their second major test of the season with flying colors, beating the Pittsburgh Steelers 34-13. Don't let the...