Mau-rice Cla-rett?!?

I was really being a drama queen about that Colorado History Day last week. For one, I was able to set up a TV in my office and watch some of the coverage, but more to the point, I wish I hadn't bothered.

First off, it took about a week and a half until the Broncos drafted thanks to that weird, "No, thanks, we don't really want a No. 1 this year" decision, but oh, the picks they made!

2nd round, 56th pick overall: Darrent Williams, CB, Oklahoma State. So the Broncos pick up a very athletic corner. Unfortunately, he's a guy with some character issues who was suspended for last year's bowl game, which put a cap on a pretty horrendous senior campaign. Earlier in his career he was productive and has big-play ability as a corner and returner. But is anyone else scared by the fact that he's 5-8, 176? What other team would see that Randy Moss had joined the division and say, you know what, we'd really like to get smaller in the defensive backfield?

3rd round, 76th overall: Karl Paymah, CB, Washington State: I know Champ Bailey had a bad year, but come on. Broncos pick up another corner, yet I'm actually a little intrigued by Paymah, a 6-foot, 204-lb. guy who runs a 4.35. He got marked down for playing slower than his speed would have you believe. What does that mean? Does he jog in games?

3rd round, 97th overall: Domonique Foxworth, CB, Maryland. What with the Moss trade and the Colts ending our last two seasons, you may have noticed a trend in our picks. Apparently Sham-nahan plans to use the 5-11, 184 Foxworth as the ninth corner in our revolutionary Sacajawea dollar 0-0-11 defense next season.

3rd round, 101st overall: Maurice Clarett, RB, Ohio State. So last week I said there wasn't anybody in the draft I really hated. I lied. I just assumed this guy had gotten enough coverage and we could all laugh when he went undrafted.

Ignoring the rather-relevant character concerns, just as a player, what's the upside? My oldest brother used to compare my toughness and athletic ability to that of my grandmother and that's the first thing that comes to mind here speed-wise. So Clarett's not very fast, but we can't ignore the talent as a power back, can we?

I can. My memory of Clarett in college comes from that 2003 Fiesta Bowl upset of Miami, which the Buckeyes won despite his horrific game. Twenty-three carries for forty-seven yards. That Miami defense was made up of the kind of guys who play at the next level. I don't see him getting it done in the NFL.

You know how when you watch college football you have to sit through those cheesy commercials about what great universities are is being represented on the field? Ninety percent of the time those commercials are so cheap they just make the school look worse. I think a better strategy for Ohio State would be to buy time on Monday Night Football this year. After this pick introduces himself with a lot of strutting and a, "Maurice Clarett, running back, THE Ohio State University" they can get on there and say, "No, actually, we've got nothing to do with this guy." That would send my opinion of the place through the roof.

Lazy analysts always say, "You could plug anyone into Denver's system and they'd get 1,000 yards." Well, if that's the case, why didn't we draft anybody else instead of this clown?

Dumb, dumb pick.

6th round, 200th overall: Chris Myers, guard, Miami. I don't really have anything against this pick-Myers played a bunch of positions at Miami and started for a long time on a pretty successful team, so I guess in the sixth round he's worth a look. Perhaps much can be made about the fact that he's listed at 300 and gee, the Broncos usually don't have guys that big. I love that angle, because we've always got players who check in at like 295, which is supposed to be much, much smaller.

7th round, 239th overall: Paul Ernster, P, Northern Arizona. This guy can hopefully compete for the punter/kickoff specialist spot on our team, which shouldn't be too hard, considering the human refuse we've had populating that position. OK, they might have been good people, just bad football players. Ernster does have a strong leg.

Overall, I don't know if I've ever seen a team do so badly and be so pleased about it. As Coach Shanahan told the Denver Post, "We really don't have many more needs. The roster is about set and so is the lineup, although there's always competition. But we're as settled as we've been."

I couldn't disagree more-I think we're thinner than Gandhi. I would have taken:

2nd round/56: Frank Gore, RB, Miami, because I like his name if not his LaPhonso Ellis-like knees, and we do need a running back. Other possibilites are Channing Crowder, LB, Florida if we're really switching to the 3-4, and Terrence Murphy, WR, Texas A&M, who can also return kicks.

3rd/76: Karl Paymah has a name out of the 1830s, but what the heck, we can keep him. A safer bet might be Antonio Perkins, a corner from Oklahoma, but whatever.

3rd/97: Chris Canty, DE, Virginia. He's 6-7, 286 and runs a 4.93, so, in other words, he's an absolute beast. He's coming off a knee injury and is downgraded by scouts for not having high top-level speed. He's a defensive end; I think it's going to be okay. And he got in a bar fight, too, which didn't help. I don't think a football player getting into a fight is really that big of a deal. Considering recent Denver D-linemen, I'm actually a little impressed. I mean, at least it was at a bar, not an IHOP.

3rd/101: Adrian McPherson, QB, once of Florida State. This guy can slide into Clarett's place as our low-character risk; he was thrown out of college for gambling. Unlike Clarett, he took it like a man and has NFL-level talent. We really need another quarterback-if Plummer goes down, we're dead.

6th/200: Myers, I don't care at this point.

7th/239: Fine, keep the kicker.

As for the rest of the draft: I'd like to congratulate the teams who let Aaron Rodgers drop into the more appropriate late-1st round level, where guys like Patrick Ramsey and J.P. Losman go. Matt Jones going in the first round was a huge mistake. Derrick Johnson'll kill us for years.

But my favorite kind of pick has to be when a team tries to solve last year's problems and just assumes the games will play out exactly the same way this season. I refer, of course, to the Jets taking a kicker in the second round. I mean, what are the odds that the Jets will a) make the playoffs b) be playing in a close postseason game c) which is so close, in fact, it comes down to a field goal and d) that the rookie makes that field goal?

I've been told that I ought to consider redoing my NBA picks after the Nuggets won. Please. Nothing would please me more than to be wrong there. However, I will redo my Wizards-Bulls pick, on the grounds that I didn't, ahem, actually make one. I was thinking Wizards in six, though, so even though the Bulls won the first game, we'll go with that.