Wiping the Floor With Cinderella

All anybody wants to talk about in sports this week are the potential Cinderella teams in the tournament.

Count me out.

First, it's time to find a new analogy (glass slippers, evil step-sisters, nothing to do with hoops, we get it) but, more to the point, those teams rarely win after the opening weekend anyway.

As fun as it is to watch inferior and sometimes unqualified teams get a chance on the big stage (step right up, Oakland!), by the time the Final Four rolls around, the real contenders will have taken care of business.

Who will those real contenders be? Let's go counter-clockwise across the country’s four regionals:

Chicago: Illinois earned the top seed in this region after eking out a respectable 32-1 record. Give the Fighting Illini the edge on big-moment experience, considering their point guard won the 1991 NBA Slam Dunk contest. But if you're questioning their strength-of-schedule and their Arena Football-like 54-43 conference championship victory, you're not alone. The team out of Chicago will be tournament-primed Arizona, led by the inside-outside attack of Salim Stoudamire, the nation's best perimeter shooter, and Channing Frye, an underrated big man.

Albuquerque: Washington swooped in for the unexpected No. 1 seed here. I love how everyone rightfully hates the BCS, but when the writers' No. 8 team gets a top seed because of a high RPI, nobody cares. Anyway, this region will come down to either the Huskies or Wake Forest, what with the Demon Deacons' Chris Paul recently adding his own twist to the whole "team-nobody-wants-to-face" angle.

This regional is home to two of my favorite teams to hate, Gonzaga and Georgia Tech. Gonzaga needs no introduction as the lower-tier school everyone mistakenly lumps with the big boys. At least the Yellow Jackets are fun to watch. Not because of their style of play, I just love watching Luke Schenscher drop passes, blow lay-ups, and basically just stand around looking like that kid from kindergarten who ate paste while some over-caffeinated announcer tries to convince me I'm watching one of the top big men in the nation. That never gets old.

I hope Washington goes far so we can read something about them other than, "They have a short guy who can dunk", but I also hope they lose, so we don't have to hear any more lame Rick Neuheisel jokes. Wake Forest is the pick.

Austin: It wouldn’t officially be March Madness without an overrated Duke team taking a top seed. As always, Duke is led by a one-dimensional two guard who gets so much unfounded hype, it would make Eli Manning blush. This year the Blue Devils are led into battle by the incomparable J.J. Redick, a fearless gunner who can light up the scoreboard from outside the solar system. Puzzlingly, his three-point percentage fell behind conference-mates and fellow legends like Taron Downey and Zabian Dowdell. Chalk that up to anti-Duke bias on the part of scorekeepers: we all know Redick is one of the finest players in the land. For example, he almost never misses a foul shot. Too bad the Dukies aren't on TV more or you'd know that already.

Kentucky and Syracuse are the other teams to watch in Texas. Kentucky might have a deep rotation, but outside of versatile senior Chuck Hayes, no one can rebound, and that will cost them. Syracuse, on the other hand, features the well-known duo of super-athlete Hakim Warrick and Gerry McNamara, who would have a little bit of a Redick thing going on himself, except that a) he can play the point and b) he's actually won something in his career. Make the Orange the next team in on experience. And yes, I picked against the Blue Devils only because I hate them, is that all right?

Syracuse: The suspense is over: so this is where Kansas will fold this year (unless you count their late-season fade as evidence that they already have). Interestingly, this region includes both last year's champions (Connecticut, which has done an outstanding job in the face of tremendous adversity) and this year's eventual kings, North Carolina. Although this schizophrenic band of McDonald's All-Americans is capable of shooting itself in the foot at any time, the nation's highest-scoring squad also peaks as its best, as seen in that clutch-as-James Bond comeback against Duke last week. With Sean May, Jawad Williams, and Raymond Felton, the Tar Heels have the goods to win it all. If Rashad McCants can come back and play at anywhere near the level he's capable of, they'll cruise to the title.

And if not, take comfort in watching fluke upsets and hearing about those plucky youngsters who showed up for the ball in a pumpkin.