Hole Punch Sports

Dear Readers, The last few years I always felt like writing a “Life is Good” post, celebrating how long it had been since the New York Yankees won a World Series or were a serious threat to: it had been nearly a decade. I suppose they were a threat to win it in 2003, when I didn’t watch the Florida Marlins whoop ’em, but the Arizona Diamondbacks’ seventh-game win in 2001 didn’t just knock off the Yankees’ aura, it made the team seem utterly vincible. After a few years, though, I felt most of us had forgotten how awful it had been in the late-90’s and 2000, when the Dynasty of Inequality crushed the hopes of baseball fans everywhere else, which is to say of real fans. (Those same fans had the pleasure of being insulted every time the team’s front-office and managerial savvy were praised on TV. Oh, that huge financial advantage inherent to playing in New York? I’m sure it’s nothing! Salary cap? That sounds like communism, and what kind of all-American sport would agree to such blatant...

So I was hardly excited about this year’s NCAA Tournament. Filled out three brackets this morning, but I don’t know who’s good, and I don’t really care. By the way, brackets are just awful when you can’t convince yourself yours matters. But then the games started. BYU just wrapped up a spectacular 99-92 double-overtime win over the 10-seed Florida Gators that reminded me why March Madness is king. Like many tourney games, it started slowly, with poor execution and a disappointing level of play. But the Cougars took a big second-half lead, blew it, and then somehow managed to win the game anyway. My favorite part was when Jimmer Fredette got knocked down with four minutes to go in the second overtime period. As soon as the cameraman stood over him, he just looked up and waved. Totally cool under pressure, and that’s as close as I got to knowing the Cougars would win before the final buzzer sounded. My least favorite part would have been that stepback three he took late if he hadn...

So you’ve probably heard that the Denver Broncos acquired quarterback Brady Quinn, late of the Cleveland Browns and previously of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, in a trade involving Peyton Hillis (who I’m not in love with) and some late draft picks. I’ve got nothing against Hillis; he’s just not one of my favorites the way he seems to be for some Broncos fans. So how does Brady Quinn, Medicine Woman, shift the balance of power in the AFC West? Not at all! Everyone keeps asking me what I think about this trade, which is weird, considering Quinn’s dazzling career 5.39 yards per attempt, which barely beats Hillis’ 4.9 yards per rushing attempt. Let me spell it out for you: he sucks. No, he doesn’t suck at football the way I suck at getting women, but he’s yet to show any hint that he’s got the potential to turn a team around, despite his build, athleticism, and hype. And make no mistake: turning the franchise around is absolutely what the Broncos need right now. We might’ve been ...

This afternoon I was awoken from a glorious slumber by a phone call I barely remember, and then I called back my friend David, who had also called during my nap. He told me he was heading home to watch the gold-medal Olympic hockey game and the Nuggets-Lakers game. Holy crap, how did I not know? So I switched on the TV and this is what I saw. I picked up the hockey match early in the third period, with the U.S. down 2-1 and not really charging. I was alternately shocked how many names I did and didn’t recognize. Scott Niedermayer’s still playing? Whenever Jack Johnson’s name was called, I started to sing, “it seems to me that maybe…”, and likewise when Mike Richards was on the ice I began to reminisce out loud about what I would have done to him with a fork fifty years ago. This is particularly charming when you realize I was watching the game alone. Meanwhile the Nuggets were taking care of business in L.A., up by eight or so. The U.S. was getting occasional chances on goal, sli...

Everyone’s been asking me the last few weeks who I wanted to win the Super Bowl, and the answer was easy: the New Orleans Saints. Why? Because I hate Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, I’d say, even though everyone says he’s the greatest player in the universe. As I was explaining this over and over, I realized how weird it is to say I am rooting against a team because I hate someone. Thing is, I don’t have any reason to hate Manning. He’s a good guy or whatever. Or maybe he’s not, but he doesn’t seem to be that bad of a guy, either. And he’s very good at football. But he’s wildly overrated in any discussion of his talents as a quarterback. It’s just off the charts how much more highly people think of him than his actual ability merits. Just look at his record in big games, or the way he started going off-target in the fourth quarter tonight. Enough about Peyton Manning, though. Tonight’s all about the Saints and Drew Brees, who cemented what should have been an MVP year with a mas...

Somehow I’ve never written about George Gore, the only Gore ever to play major league baseball. Though you’ve probably never heard of him, Gore was pretty sweet: an outfielder who could flat-out rake, run the bases, and had some skills on defense. He was probably a five-tool player, especially early in his career, though the standards were a little different back then. Gore played his first eight seasons (1879-1886) for the Chicago White Stockings, the team that would become today’s…wait for it…Chicago Cubs (yes, seriously). In 1880, Gore won his only batting title, hitting .360, with league-leading on-base (.399) and slugging (.463) percentages, too. According to Wikipedia , his last two White Stockings teams won the National League pennant, then faced the St. Louis Brown Stockings, champions of the American Association, in what then passed for a World Series. The clubs tied in 1885 and St. Louis won outright in 1886; this was the foundation of today’s Cubs-Cardinals rivalry. Go...

The games today were predictable (AFC) and sloppy (NFC), and only one moment (the Saints' FG) was as cool as Carmelo's OT free throws Saturday, but here are my brief thoughts on what we've learned about the teams: New York Jets: None of the teams whose seasons are over did more with their potential this year than the New York Jets. Their foundation was less solid than anyone else in the final four. Mark Sanchez is limited as a quarterback, particularly in his rookie season, but the team asked just the right amount of him, especially in the postseason. Their defense and running game are very good; will Sanchez get better quickly enough that the team returns to this point next year? And will teams like the Ravens and Patriots not improve enough to challenge them? It's too early to call next year, but Jets fans have a team to be proud of. Indianapolis Colts: In the second half of the NFC title game, it hit me: the Colts are almost surely winning the Super Bowl again. I h...