Hole Punch Sports

There are very few publicity stunts a presidential campaign can use to get on the front page of Hole Punch Sports. One of those would be practicing with my favorite college basketball team, the North Carolina Tar Heels, and Democratic hopeful Barack Obama did exactly that yesterday. (The other way might be to straddle the fence and pretend to love two teams in the same sport equally, as one certain politician does so offensively in that story. It's just wrong.) Judging by the behind-the-back dribble in Obama's YouTube mixtape , by this time next year our President might have better handles than I do. (But then that's probably true even if John McCain is elected.) In all seriousness, I think it's awesome that Obama is so into hoops. His love of basketball was the subject of a recent story on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, which is available on YouTube and which I recommend watching if you have the time. The segment spends some time talking Obama playing t...

1. The Spurs beat the Suns 4 games to 1 with a win last night. And thus one of the two interesting first-round series is over. Remember when people were saying this could be one of the best opening series ever? Idiots. 2. With the Boston Celtics up by almost 20 in the fourth, the other good series feels like it's losing its luster. I really hope the Hawks can pull out Game Six. 3. We only have to wait until Saturday for the second round to start with the Spurs-Hornets series, which makes the playoffs feel less stretched-out than usual. But the next day (Sunday) could feature a bunch of first-round Game Sevens. I'm sorry, but that's just weird. 4. The Dallas Mavericks fired head coach Avery Johnson today. The franchise has clearly underachieved in the postseason, especially since blowing a 2-0 lead in the 2006 Finals. They won 67 games last year, but lost in the first round. This season the team traded for Jason Kidd but couldn't recapture their elite status. Until ...

1. Amare Stoudemire after the Suns' loss to the Spurs Friday night put the Suns in a 3-0 series deficit: 'I definitely think we're one of the marquee teams in the league,' Stoudemire said. 'For us to be down 0 and 3 is something I wasn't even thinking about.' I don't think I use the word "marquee" in quite the same way; I'll assume Stoudemire meant high-quality rather than high-profile. (Otherwise the quote makes no sense.) But with all due respect to Stoudemire and the Suns, why on Earth would they consider themselves one of the top teams in the league? The Suns can flat-out shoot the rock: the team made over 50% of its shots this year, which is bleep-ing incredible. They were third in the league in scoring. They're talented offensively. But they're also the No. 6 seed in the conference, a conference made up of just 15 teams. In terms of percentile, these are not quite the Navy SEALs we're dealing with here. I'm all for co...

Tonight's main attraction was San Antonio's win in their first-round series with the Phoenix Suns, a series some idiot straw men are already calling the greatest first-round series in NBA history. Saturday's game was fantastic. Tonight's didn't really live up. The Suns jumped out to a sizeable early lead, but the Spurs hung in, chipped away at it, then produced a dominant third quarter to win. Of the players: Shaquille O'Neal started out very well, playing with a bounce in his step that made him look like a much younger man. He kept going right back at Tim Duncan after baskets, which was fun to watch. He also hit five-of-six free throws when the Spurs were intentionally fouling him in the third. Shaq says he always hits them when it counts, which isn't true, but wouldn't even be true for Michael . (I recently called Duncan the best player since Jordan, but perhaps I should have said O'Neal. Your thoughts?) Phoenix's backcourt, from Steve Nas...

The Eastern Conference So far, I've been wrong about the Boston Celtics. They've been fantastic this year, finishing 66-16 and outscoring opponents by more than ten points a game. Only three other teams have a home record better than Boston's road record. The Celtics finished seven games ahead of the No. 2 seed; seven games are all that separates No. 1 from No. 8 in the West. Assuming they stay healthy, they should make the Finals. (Having said all that, I completely disagree with the Sports Guy, who said Kevin Garnett deserves the MVP award.) Other potential contenders include the Detroit Pistons, who at 59-23 also had a better record than anyone out West. They have the second-best point differential in the league behind Boston. Because they've been together so long, they've been overlooked all year. The Eastern Conference Finals should be sweet, but I still think Boston is better. The Celtics won the season series with the Pistons 2-1. Cleveland and Orlando a...

On the night my intramural team advanced to the second round of the playoffs, the National Basketball Association's playoff picture has fallen into place. And our beloved Denver Nuggets will be facing the Los Angeles Lakers in the first round. This is bad news in my opinion; I would have much preferred to face the younger, less dominant New Orleans Hornets. However, you don't really get to complain when you squeak into the playoffs as the No. 8 seed. As opposed to a full-blown preview right now, I prefer to focus on what I've seen from the Lakers lately, which is somewhat scary. Their biggest achievement, of course, is that they captured the Western Conference's No. 1 seed. I'm tempted not to read too much into this; after all, their 57-25 record is only seven games better than the Nuggets'. More impressively, they've outscored opponents by 7.3 points per game (best in the West, third overall), and have the No. 4 scoring offense in the NBA (the Nuggets...

From an AP article you've probably already seen: NBA All-Star Carmelo Anthony was arrested early Monday on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, hours after his worst game of the season. That "worst game" was Denver's win over the Houston Rockets Sunday night, one in which Anthony shot just 3-for-14. The Nuggets won by 17, so I doubt he was too depressed about it, but whatever. The arrest overshadowed more exciting news yesterday: with Golden State's loss to Phoenix last night, the Nuggets are officially in the playoffs. To me, the interesting coverage is in the ESPN video on that linked page, where Ric Bucher, who typically annoys me heavily, talks about the arrest. He anticipates the league and team will take no action until the toxicology report is back, which could take up to 10 days. He also said it's unfortunate for Carmelo, because this arrest will cause everyone to bring up the bad stuff he's done: things like the backpack, the fig...

I didn't want to skip over the latest Basketball Hall of Fame class without sharing my thoughts. For those who haven't heard, the inductees included Hakeem Olajuwon, Patrick Ewing, Adrian Dantley, coaches Pat Riley and Cathy Rush, owner William Davidson, and broadcaster/coach Dick Vitale. I don't know Rush or Davidson at all. I'm currently reading Vitale's Wikipedia page , trying to find if there's any reason I should call his induction anything but a joke. Yes, that's harsh, and I do try to be nice on occasions like this, but I have no idea why Vitale will be in the Hall. (Also, Vitale is somehow the lede on that story, which means someone at the AP was in a hurry to get the piece done and went with the first guy who called him back.) Pat Riley's one of the best coaches ever, winning titles with the Showtime Lakers and again with Shaq and Dwyane Wade just two years ago. The lamest thing I can say about him is that he trademarked the phrase "thr...

Memphis beat UCLA by 15, and Kansas topped North Carolina by 18 in the Final Four games tonight to set up a Kansas-Memphis national championship game Monday night (7:21 p.m. Mountain time). I only saw the end of the KU-UNC game, which gave me a healthy mix of terrible shots and wide-open alley-oop dunks. You know, North Carolina was losing that game pretty handily anyway, but Kansas devoured their laughable attempt at creating pressure in the closing minutes. They just found the open man every single time. I'm sure Kansas fans are thrilled to be the team that knocked out Roy Williams' team. But you know, I could give a [care] about Kansas right now. I understand it's my job to blog about this, and you guys expect me to write something because this is my blog, but as a person, that's just not very nice of you. Anyway, by my reckoning, Memphis-Kansas was the lamest possible matchup we could have had going in to this Final Four. It reminds me of 2003, when I was pump...

There's an article up about an interview Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler did today with the Associated Press. In it, he covers a few topics, the headliner being his disappointment in wide receiver Brandon Marshall. Marshall suffered a serious injury last month when his arm went through an entertainment center. Yes, really. The article says that the injury came when Marshall was "horsing around", which is awful if the pun was intended. But the injury was serious; Broncos' trainer Steve Antonopulos said in a statement that Marshall cut an artery, a vein, a nerve, two tendons, and three muscles. Ye-ouch. The extent of the injuries makes the whole episode sound a lot worse than garden-variety wrestling. Still, though. You can call Brandon Marshall a chump, and you can laugh at his misfortune if you want, but I don't think you can call this an indictment of his character. Cutler disagrees: 'I've talked to him many times. I think a lot of people have...

The Nuggets beat the Suns 126-120 tonight at the Pepsi Center. All I can say is, man, I have to get to a game soon. So many cool moments: 1. If you haven't watched the Nuggets much this year, you wouldn't know this, but Eduardo Najera has turned himself into a three-point threat. Seriously . Okay, his 36.7% rate from beyond the arc isn't great, especially considering he doesn't shoot a lot with a hand in his face, but he hit two int he early going. It's tough to believe. 2. Another "this guy knows he can score whenever he wants" comment, this time when the matchup was Gordon Giricek guarding Carmelo Anthony. What can you say, it's true. 3. Nene looking awfully good in his ten minutes, much of which he spent guarding Shaquille O'Neal one-on-one, and doing it well. It's not the '98 Shaq, but Nene had no problems holding his ground. He was also crafty, knowing when to give up space so Shaq would lean in too far and end up forcing an off-ba...