If Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, and John Elway got together to mentor a quarterback, and he ended up like Ryan Leaf...
If Ted Williams, Babe Ruth, and Hank Aaron took over as hitting coaches, and their best student couldn’t out-hit Neifi Perez...
If Magic Johnson and Jason Kidd schooled a student in the art of pinpoint passing, but ended up with Kobe Bryant...
...would any of those be any more pathetic than Jackie Slater and Art Shell coaching Chad Slaughter today?
Yes, two of the finest tackles of anyone’s lifetime are the men in charge of motivating and molding the Human False Start. John Madden, a former Raiders coach himself, pointed out late in tonight’s Broncos-Raiders game that Slaughter was actually doing a decent job blocking when he was punctual. I’m pretty sure my man Elvis Dumervil would disagree, but even if it was true, the Raiders still aren’t going to beat anybody anytime soon.
Yes, the Chicago Bears are absolutely explosive and it appears, for the time being, that I grossly underestimated quarterback Rex Grossman. (I want to see him play at least once before I take it all back, though.) But the only perfect season I want to see this year is Oakland’s tour of unmatched ineptitude, now at 0-5 and counting.
Sadly, it could all end next week when Oakland hosts the Arizona Cardinals. In Andrew Walter and Matt Leinart, we’ll get to watch two young quarterbacks whose youth, interestingly enough, is their only asset. But if Oakland can sneak out of McAfee Coliseum (fine virus scanner, by the way, if heart-breakingly slow) with the “L”, they’re well on their way to a defeated season.
Consider the following opponents: home game against the Steelers, at Seattle, another Broncos game, at Kansas City, at San Diego...then it’s December, and the clock is ticking.
That December 3 home game against Houston looks almost as inviting as next week’s Cardinals game. But I’ve watched a lot of terrible Nuggets teams, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s how much bad teams relish annihilating the truly awful ones.
Maybe you think it can’t be done. A blocked kick here, a broken tackle there-surely the Raiders can upset somebody. Even the stacked Broncos prevailed by only ten points. The Raiders should win at least a couple. I think.
I hope they don’t. A winless season speaks to a certain sense of...humiliation, of desperation, and of knowing when to quit. If C.U. has given up on the quest, there’s no team I’d rather see take their place than the Oakland Raiders.
If Ted Williams, Babe Ruth, and Hank Aaron took over as hitting coaches, and their best student couldn’t out-hit Neifi Perez...
If Magic Johnson and Jason Kidd schooled a student in the art of pinpoint passing, but ended up with Kobe Bryant...
...would any of those be any more pathetic than Jackie Slater and Art Shell coaching Chad Slaughter today?
Yes, two of the finest tackles of anyone’s lifetime are the men in charge of motivating and molding the Human False Start. John Madden, a former Raiders coach himself, pointed out late in tonight’s Broncos-Raiders game that Slaughter was actually doing a decent job blocking when he was punctual. I’m pretty sure my man Elvis Dumervil would disagree, but even if it was true, the Raiders still aren’t going to beat anybody anytime soon.
Yes, the Chicago Bears are absolutely explosive and it appears, for the time being, that I grossly underestimated quarterback Rex Grossman. (I want to see him play at least once before I take it all back, though.) But the only perfect season I want to see this year is Oakland’s tour of unmatched ineptitude, now at 0-5 and counting.
Sadly, it could all end next week when Oakland hosts the Arizona Cardinals. In Andrew Walter and Matt Leinart, we’ll get to watch two young quarterbacks whose youth, interestingly enough, is their only asset. But if Oakland can sneak out of McAfee Coliseum (fine virus scanner, by the way, if heart-breakingly slow) with the “L”, they’re well on their way to a defeated season.
Consider the following opponents: home game against the Steelers, at Seattle, another Broncos game, at Kansas City, at San Diego...then it’s December, and the clock is ticking.
That December 3 home game against Houston looks almost as inviting as next week’s Cardinals game. But I’ve watched a lot of terrible Nuggets teams, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s how much bad teams relish annihilating the truly awful ones.
Maybe you think it can’t be done. A blocked kick here, a broken tackle there-surely the Raiders can upset somebody. Even the stacked Broncos prevailed by only ten points. The Raiders should win at least a couple. I think.
I hope they don’t. A winless season speaks to a certain sense of...humiliation, of desperation, and of knowing when to quit. If C.U. has given up on the quest, there’s no team I’d rather see take their place than the Oakland Raiders.
Comments
Yuk it up, Ukko. Actually, I find myself intrigued by Sunday's game. There is no way the Cardinals should lose. Leinart looked quite good Monday, especially considering who he was facing, though the Bears' decision not to bring any pressure and to dare a young, weak-armed quarterback to beat them with short completions was puzzling, to say the least. Then again, it is the Cardinals, so who knows how the Raids'll fare. (By the way do I know you?)
Andrew Walter's an exciting young prospect. His original team would not have spent a first-day pick on him were it not so. By the way, being a Pac-10 quarterback and slipping to the third round...isn't that like going undrafted coming from anywhere else? Were coaches unsure if he could adjust to a passing-centric offense?
As for Randy Moss, I just think it's amazing that someone with NO history of pettiness could become embittered on such a bad team. Chin up, friend!
it would be truly monumental to hold over raider nation. it really wouldn't matter if they went on to win superbowls the next twenty years in a row...
they'd always have that one season where they didn't win any... it would be so poetic. the leagues most classless team, notorious for it's lack of character. winless.
but i don't think it will happen. somehow, somewhere someone will find a way.
how did dallas avoid this trap? didn't they beat a playoff bound minnesota team?