Hole Punch Sports

If you can’t beat the Colts, become the Colts. After firmly establishing ourselves as the team that loses to Indy, the Broncos decided to ape the Colts’ style, using the draft to acquire through picks and trades seven offensive players and just one defender. Weird. A day after the surprising pick of Jay “Cragler” Cutler, the Broncos continued to reload the passing game with two wide receivers and two interior offensive linemen. (Okay, speaking of Cutler, one last NFL.com draft profile bash. Cutler’s says , “Overall, Cutler has flown up draft charts a ton over the last three months, but he may struggle to become the consistent quarterback he has the talent to make.” Becoming the quarterback, and making one...so, in case Cutler doesn’t pan out, he’s also building a quarterback in his basement? I don’t get it.) The wide receivers were Brandon Marshall of Central Florida and Domenik Hixon of Akron. If I saw either one play, I obviously don’t remember it. But a story on the impartial denver...

Since John Elway (also known as the greatest quarterback who ever lived) retired, the Denver Broncos have been in no-man’s land. I don’t mean that no one has proven worthy as Elway’s rightful heir, though obviously that’s true. More, the Broncos have tried to balance the needs of building for the future against keeping hope for the present. Considering how long some teams take to rebuild, the Broncos have done a good job maintaining a winning team. But considering the demands of both the future and the present leaves us with bizarre drafts like the one we’ve just witnessed. Obvious example: our first-round pick, Jay Cutler, the former Vanderbilt quarterback. Cutler, of course, was considered one of the top three QB prospects in the draft. His selection is curious, though, considering Jake Plummer not only led us to the AFC championship game last year, but became the first passer to beat Tom Brady in the playoffs. What’s my take on Cutler? Honestly, I’m not sure. He’s clearly more athle...

The Broncos went to the AFC Championship last year and ought to be in a title-contending mood this season. Thus I think it appropriate to evaluate the Broncos’ current roster and look at needs as we head into the draft: The depth chart on the Broncos’ official website will be our framework, though it's in dire need of an update. By position: Quarterback: Jake Plummer was terrific until the conference championship and any calls to replace him are misguided at best and hopeless at the realistic worst. The primary backup is Bradlee “equals mc squared” van Pelt. I hate him just for going to CSU, but I question his passing skills, too. Considering Plummer’s injury history and the Broncos’ contention intentions, it’d be wise to find a more suitable backup. However, since we need a quarterbackup for right now, free agency is perhaps a wiser route than the draft. But a late-round prospect gives me someone to have misguided hope in, so I’m happy either way. Running backs: Ron Dayne is the ...

If you couldn’t decode that cryptic title, the Nuggets have suspended power forward Kenyon Martin indefinitely. The aforelinked Denver Post article points out that Martin refused to play in the second half of Game 2 after playing limited minutes in the first half. The Nuggets didn’t give an official reason for the suspension, but we’re all grown-ups here, and the two are obviously related. From the article: "He just doesn't practice very often," Karl said. "He just wants to play in the games. That, philosophically, just doesn't make any sense to me. I (still) think he has a big-time heart and I think he's a big-time competitor." Karl tries to cushion the blow at the end, but he makes a pretty good point. Either you can play or you can’t, and it's obvious Martin is limited right now. While it’s no secret I’m not a fan of Martin or his ridiculous cap-crushing contract, I can’t help but think how much better things would be for him if his name was Ben ...

I was holding off on my NFL draft coverage, but while I waited, the whole world went completely insane. The evaluation of potential NFL players could not possibly make less sense. Would you like an example? The league’s official website, NFL.com, has gotten in on the madness. The site features profiles and grades for tons of potential draftees. Let’s take a look at Vince Young’s . We'll start off with the grading scale, which assigns Young a final grade of M 5.9. On a scale of zero to I-wish-these-people-made-sense, that grade itself gets a zero. Let me break it down, according to their own guidelines : Vince is an “M”, which means: Very good athletic ability, but inconsistent production in college. Meets minimum height, weight & speed requirements for the position. Player lacks good football instincts or doesn’t seem to learn football very well Doesn’t learn football well? I can’t remember a college player in my life who made more improvement over his career than Vince Young,...

Unlike the Eastern Conference, the West features good teams and players you’ve heard of. (1) San Antonio Spurs vs. (8) Sacramento Kings . San Antonio is better at almost everything, though Spurs small forward Bruce Bowen is lining up against the one player who can match him cheapshot for cheapshot, Kings moodswingman Ron Artest. Tim Duncan’s had sort of a rough year, and new acquisitions Michael Finley and Nick van Exel didn’t make the expected difference...yet the Spurs won 63 games, more than everyone but Detroit. I’m tempted to go with the sweep, considering San Antonio is better on the road (29-12) than Sac-town is at home (27-14), but there are just enough tiny question marks to persuade me otherwise. They’ll handle Sacramento in five games. (2) Phoenix Suns vs. (7) Los Angeles Lakers . The Suns aren’t really ready to contend for the title, but this is a mismatch. If the Lakers have the very best player in this series, the Suns may possess the next twelve best. I wouldn’t be surp...

I don’t know if the East is truly weaker than the West-Detroit is as legit a title contender as anyone-but it’s certainly thinner. So the first-round matchups are pretty lame. I’m not getting paid by the word here, but I’ll prove it to you: (1) Detroit Pistons vs. (8) Milwaukee Bucks . The Pistons are the clear favorite in the East, which they will win. The Bucks, meanwhile, didn’t even have a winning season (40-42). We can talk about matchups, or I can just tell you: Sweep, Detroit . (2) Miami Heat vs. (7) Chicago Bulls . Miami has struggled against elite teams; fortunately for them, Chicago is not in that category. This is getting ridiculous. I’ll give Chicago a game; Heat 4-1 . (3) New Jersey Nets vs. (6) Indiana Pacers . Say what you want about T.O., because I’ve said plenty, but I find him much easier to root for than Vince Carter. While Owens is selfish and impossible to reason with, at least he always plays his heart out, even on those rare occasions when he feels underpaid. Car...

Unlike last year, Steve Nash is a legitimate MVP candidate. However, before I fall back into Canada-bashing, let me say the most annoying trend by Nash supporters is how he’s given credit for every improvement his teammates make. It’s ridiculous. Phoenix has the third-best record in the West this year despite missing Amare Stoudemire for pretty much the whole season, and Nash has raised his game. But so has Shawn Marion, who actually plays defense, too, and it’s tough to separate the two of them. In fact, that seems to be a theme this year: many traditional MVP candidates are sharing the spotlight with a teammate good enough that it’s tough to tell who’s had the better season. Tim Duncan is peerless and showed tremendous heart playing through injuries this season. But Tony Parker actually leads the Spurs in scoring by a slim margin and is among the league leaders in shooting percentage. Chauncey Billups is statistically almost neck-and-neck with Nash, but the Pistons have a deep, quali...

Forget Hayden Christiansen: Kobe Bryant is the real-life Anakin Skywalker. One of the biggest complaints leveled against the new Star Wars trilogy is how it undermined everyone’s childhood heroes. The most egregious example is that Darth Vader, one of the baddest villains in cinematic history, apparently got his start as a preening pretty boy. It’s not really as shocking as it appears at first glance. In the original movies, Vader’s son was the biggest geek of them all (“But I was gonna go to the Tosche Station to pick up some power converters”), proving whining is a trait passed on genetically. When Luke struggles to live up to his familial destiny, he’s merely following in the footsteps of his father, who could barely hack it throughout the prequels. In the first trilogy, despite his enormous power, Vader, like everyone else in the universe, ultimately takes his orders from old white guys. While, ultimately, it’s a tale of redemption, the saga told in the Star Wars movies also shows ...

I hate contrived stats. I don’t mean shooting up like a cow to inflate one’s home run totals. I hate statistics that sound like they mean something, but have obviously been manipulated for persuasive effect. Like this gem from an article by ESPN’s Gene Wojciechowski : Brett Favre is “40-4 at Lambeau when the temperature at kickoff is 34 degrees or lower.” I don’t really get that. What’s Favre’s record at 35 degrees, you know? The stat says the Packers and Favre have been incredibly successful when the weather is cold, which you’d expect, but 40-4 is amazing. Still, don’t you feel manipulated? When I read that sentence, the first thing that jumped out at me was: why did they pick 34 degrees instead of 32 degrees? Thirty-two at least means something-it’s the freezing point of water. That’s not really relevant to football, but at least it’s meaningful in everyday life. Favre must have won a couple games at 33 or 34 degrees and using 34 instead of 32 must make his record look even better-I...

This is insane. ESPN is now accepting votes on what you, the fan, think your favorite team should do in the upcoming NFL draft. Hang on, that’s not entirely accurate. Actually, what they’re asking for is which position your team should draft for, or whether they should take the best player available. For example, if you click right now on the Broncos’ 15th pick, you get a pop-up asking, “Which area should the Broncos focus on with the 22nd pick in the first round?” That’s not my typo-the Broncos have not one but TWO first-round selections, and apparently this rare occurrence has overwhelmed the servers at ESPN.com and led to massive confusion. Anyway, the choices are: defensive tackle, guard/center, running back, tight end, wide receiver, or of course the best player available. I really like the choice of “guard/center”. If I made the poll, I would have managed to insult you simpletons even further and asked, “Which area should the Broncos focus on with the 22nd pick in the first roun...

Last night the Nuggets won the Northwest Division with a 110-98 win over the Portland Trailblazers . The article calls it the Nuggets’ first division title in eighteen years, which is just ridiculous. Anyway, I’m thrilled, so we’re going back to the Hole Punch Vault to see what went right and what didn’t this season. First things first. I did say the Nuggets would win the division title, and I’m pointing that out because my recent predictions that the Broncos and University of Connecticut’s mens basketball team would win championships have whittled down my readership. (I also predicted a record of 54-28. That seems unlikely, as the Nuggets would not only have to win out, but also win half a dozen games they’ve already lost.) What went right: Frontcourt depth . Nene injured his knee in the first game and was lost for the season and Kenyon Martin has been in and out of the lineup. And Ed Najera is gone now. But the Nuggets pieced together a decent inside corps thanks to a surprisingly ...

You’ve probably heard already, but the NFL schedules for next season are out. I don’t much care about anyone but the Broncos . I like Denver’s schedule quite a bit. We’ll have played the Pittsburgh Steelers and New England Patriots on the road by our eighth game of the season. We’re also hosting the Indianapolis Colts and Seattle Seahawks. If you had to pick four teams to excel next regular season, those might be the exact four. The Seahawks game is the latest of these (Dec. 3) or, in other words, each of these games comes too early for opponents to be resting anyone. Two reasons I’m a fan of the schedule: first, I think tough early-season competition should be a good thing. Unlike recent seasons, we’ll have a better handle on how good the Broncos really are heading into the playoffs. It'll make the regular season more compelling. And second, now that they know the season will not be a cakewalk, Broncos management will stop cutting popular and productive players like Mike Anderson ...

That was some NCAA title game yesterday, wasn’t it? I’m kidding; I didn’t watch it, either. I did watch part of the Braves-Dodgers game, though, as part of a photo shoot chronicling my love for sports (that’s not a joke, by the way). Anyway, the broadcast team decided that the twenty-one run game was not interesting enough in and of itself, so talk drifted to the ongoing investigation of steroid use in baseball over the last several years. Eric Karros, the longtime Los Angeles Dodger of Anaheim turned broadcaster, said he didn’t understand what the investigation was supposed to accomplish. Baseball can't change what already happened, he said, especially now that the game has been cleaned up. I was a little surprised by this. Karros isn’t remembered as a special player, but his numbers would have looked much better if he hadn’t had to compete with the well-drugged stars of his era. (For six seasons from 1995 to 2000, Karros averaged the quietest 31 homers and 104 RBI ever for a play...