ESPN = A bunch of chicks?

You know what sticks in my craw? Have you ever been ragging on somebody for a perfectly legitimate reason, and then someone (not to stereotype, but this someone will always be a woman) has to comment on said loser's friendliness?

Let's say your friend Sam says something remarkably dumb. Doesn't matter what; he should have known better. Later you're with a friend, and you're like, "Geez, I can't believe he thought Hitler was French, what a moron." And some girl's there, and you get the worried-sounding, "Well, I think Sam's nice."

Wait, what does that have to do with anything?

I only bring this up because pretty much that exact scenario played out during last night's Monday Night Countdown on ESPN. Emmitt Smith said that spending all that money on running back Thomas Jones wouldn't help the Jets much, because Chad Pennington has such a weak arm. Smith added that if he were a defensive coordinator, he'd play nine in the box against the Jets and always have the corners play tight.

I loved it. I mean, I don't really have strong feelings about the Jets, but it's always fun to see someone bury a New York team on national TV before the season even starts. Plus it was cool that Emmitt had such a sharp opinion.

Chris Berman, though, just couldn't let the dig at Pennington slide. He had to jump in with a, "He's smart." Emmitt says, "yeah, but he's weak." And then I think they had a little back-and-forth on it. It was just funny to see how quickly Berman pounced.

Chad Pennington has, in my humble estimation, always received way too much slack from national media figures. I don't know what that is. Every time I see him he's stretching the defense with a three-yard pass to his fullback, and someone's talking about how well he read the defense on the designed screen.

But my bigger point is, why can't we just tell the truth about all players? Chad Pennington really does have a weak arm. Can he throw a football farther than I can? Sure. But he's not on the level of most other NFL quarterbacks. And it turns out you can't just think a pass over the Cover-2. Smith didn't say Pennington was a failure at his profession or anything; just that he has a pretty glaring weakness, which anyone watching the Jets for more than five minutes could have picked up on by themselves.

There are some exceptions, like Shaq at the foul line, but more often than not you hear about the great defense of a Derek Jeter, who's not even the best shortstop on that side of his own starting infield. By and large, if you're pretty good, and you're pretty popular, you're going to get a free pass.

That was fast.

Michael Vick has plead guilty to a conspiracy charge (I think), and will be sentenced December 10. The prosecutors have recommended that Vick serve 12 to 18 months in prison, though the judge can sentence him for up to five years.

So, faster than anyone thought, it's just about all wrapped up. I, for one, am shocked. Who could have guessed that the people who found the "cute" in "electrocuting dogs" wouldn't always have Vick's back?

The question now is, where do we go for high-quality dogfighting? No, I mean, it's: will Vick play in the NFL again?

I don't think the answer is anywhere near a clear-cut "no", yet there are some reasons to think that he won't. For one, any team that signs a quarterback fresh out of prison is going to take a gigantic PR hit. And the offense is one that's surprisingly (to me, anyway) galvanizing. I mean, some people are losing their minds over this. Don't get me wrong. Torturing animals should offend anyone, but some athletes have been let off the hook for much more serious offenses. (Take Leonard Little, for instance.) I wonder, though. Are the people who would be completely turned off by Vick and swear off supporting a team forever the same people who love the NFL in the first place? I don't know. Any team that signs Vick will get negative press, but I'm not sure how bad their losses will really be at the box office.

Vick does have one factor going for him, and I think it's the deciding factor: his age. Though he's been a public figure for nearly a decade, Vick's only 27. If his sentence falls somewhere in the middle of the prosecutors' recommendation, he could come out of prison as a 29-year-old, free agent, proven-winner NFL quarterback. Yes, he'll have had a couple years away from the game, but Vick was never what you'd call "heady" to begin with. And he'll have had two years away from the wear-and-tear of the NFL. Don't you think someone would find a place for him?

I think he'll probably only get offers from teams like the Lions or Browns, though. I mean, some awful team, whoever that is in a couple years, will roll the dice. (Who knows what the Lions and Browns will be like in two years? Well, I do. They'll suck. But they won't get Vick.)

In other words...how can I put this...in 2009 or 2010, Broncos fans can expect to start seeing Michael Vick twice a season.

Bonds hits 756

So I just got a phone call from a friend of mine (who may or may not revel himself in the comments) who told me he just watched in person as Barry Bonds broke Hank Aaron's career home run record. And these are my immediate thoughts on that.

1. Congratulations to Bonds. Breaking Aaron's record is an amazing accomplishment. It's funny to me that if Bonds hadn't become unstoppable in this decade, he probably would have gone down in history a little underrated.

2. To everyone who says Bonds cheated to get this record: go ahead. Tell me what rule he broke.

The more I think about it, the more I come back to that. Isn't breaking a rule the definition of cheating? Even assuming Bonds took steroids before they were against the rules (something almost everyone does assume), he's never failed a drug test, as far as we know, since testing was implemented. (It's possible he failed in that first year when testing happened but there were no punishments or publicity for failing. And is it just me, or do you think Major League Baseball is going to test him tomorrow ?)

So I'm not sure he ever really "cheated". On the other hand, it's almost certain that the cutting edge of performance-enhancing drugs is ahead of testing. If you want to assume the worst, Bonds could certainly be taking something undetectable. But you could say that about any athlete, and I'm not familiar with any evidence that Bonds is taking anything right now.

Is taking steroids without a prescription illegal? Yes. I'm just not sure if that's relevant to whether Bonds cheated at baseball per se.

Now, is it morally wrong? I wouldn't take illegal drugs just to be stronger for a lot of reasons, and some of them have to do with my own values. So yeah, I certainly don't support Bonds' steroid use, if it's true. But I also don't condone calling a guy a cheater and trashing him at every turn if he didn't really cheat. Why not just say you don't like him because he's a jerk? Plenty of proof of that.

I'm not just playing the devil's advocate here; I really haven't decided what I think of Bonds completely. I just wish baseball had taken a firmer stance against steroids earlier, and I wish the players' union hadn't treated testing (and the health of its members) as nothing more than a bargaining chip.

3. Bonds' new record does nothing to diminish the fantastic career Aaron had. Aaron was a terrific player: a rookie of the year, an MVP, and a gamer and a legend in every sense of both words.

And I don't mean to disrespect Aaron in any way. But even though he's held the career home run mark my entire life, I never thought of him as necessarily the greatest home run hitter ever. Is Dan Marino the best quarterback of all time just because he threw for the most yards?

You're free to make up your own mind about Bonds, too. If you're really that torn up that his name's in some book (which might not even be a real book, for all I know), then you need to get out more.

Bronco(s) in the Hall of Fame

The Captain e-mailed me a link to this ESPN.com article. It's worth a read, but I'll give you the gist of it right here: Denver Broncos don't make the Hall of Fame.

It's still true that the Broncos, a team that's played in six Super Bowls, really have just one Hall of Famer they can call their own: John Elway.

Tony Dorsett, the runner who starred for the Cowboys, and Willie Brown, a cornerback who did the same for the Raiders, both played briefly for the Broncos and made the Hall. As for Brown, I've always wondered why the Broncos picked up a star Raider at the end of his career. I never really felt good about it. So I consulted Wikipedia, and guess what? Turns out Brown actually started his career with the Broncos and was awesome from day one (All-AFL his second year). Turns out we traded him to the Raiders. No wonder the Broncos used to suck.

Another fun Wiki fact is that Brown held the record for the longest interception return in a Super Bowl until Kelly Herndon, another former Denverite, broke it for the Seahawks. No wonder the Broncos suck now.

Hall of Fame debates always remind me of Larry Walker, my favorite baseball player of my lifetime. Walker had some fantastic years, but his Hall status was always in doubt because of his constant injuries. Well, that and his classic Coors Field splits, when he'd hit like .800 at home every year. Anyway, I saw an article in Sports Illustrated once (I think it was in 2001) where Walker said he didn't really care if he made the Hall of Fame. And you know what, I didn't care anymore after reading that.

Whether or not a group of voters wanted to recognize Walker's greatness years after he retired, he was still an awesome force at the plate. He still had an incredible arm, and he could still run the bases better than anyone. And he still didn't back down from anyone, even on a team that never really played up to the standard he set. It sounds cheesy, but why do I care if he's in the Hall of Fame? His legacy's secure in my book.

The same goes for all the former Broncos, perhaps none of whom will reverse their team's trend soon. I do think Shannon Sharpe will make it pretty quickly once he's eligible. I think Terrell Davis should make it, but even if he doesn't, he was still the best football player on the planet for a few years, he still was as clutch as any runner ever, and he still helped the Broncos (and Elway) pick up two championships. What else matters?