Hole Punch Sports

Rarely do I fit into any product's target demographic as well as I do into that of All-Pro Football 2K8, the new historical-superstar-based football game from 2K Sports. First, the game appeals to football lovers with a passion for the game's history. Count me in. (I've always added great players from years past, like John Elway and Walter Payton, to modern NFL games.) Second, it appeals to anyone who wants an alternative to games juggernaut Electronic Arts' Madden NFL series, or is annoyed with the NFL. (Also me.) Finally, the game's aimed squarely at fans of the old NFL 2K series or its pinnacle, ESPN NFL 2K5, which I consider the best football game ever created. So when I say that I like this game, but I don't love it, that could be all you need to know. The history From 1999 to 2004, NFL 2K was a football series with cool innovations like online play and TV-like presentation. In 2003, the game's name became ESPN NFL Football. That game, as in years befor...

Michael’s Si—I mean Michael Vick—is obviously going to be suspended. The only question is for how long. In case you think I’m getting ahead of myself, check out this article on ESPN.com . I can’t really summarize it in a way that will fit here but also capture the story, so do read it. Let’s just put it this way: he was indicted for some kind of involvement (it’s not really clear exactly how involved police think he was) with a merry band of dogfighting enthusiasts who have no souls. I don’t want to focus on the grisly details and potentially poison the jury pool, not one member of which will ever read this blog. In summary, though, if a run-of-the-mill dogfight isn’t gruesome enough for you, the Vick mansion allegedly had everything you were looking for: post-fight dog drownings, dogs being hanged, and at least one dog which was slammed against the ground until it died. Vick faces up to six years in prison or $350,000 in fines. I’m sure he’s hoping for the fine. I’m no legal expert, s...

I picked up the much-anticipated (by me) All-Pro Football 2K8 today for the Xbox 360, and I've had time for two games. Here's what I've noticed so far: The teams: My first question about this game: does it come with ready-made teams, or are you forced to make your own? Answer: the first thing you do in this game is make your own team, and then the game fills in the rosters of the other squads. I pored over the various inconsequential uniform and logo choices endlessly, eventually annoying myself. You have a ton of options for making teams, and you could probably rip off an NFL team pretty well. But if you're going to do that, why not just buy Madden? The nice thing is that you don't have to make all these little decisions-the game comes with ready-made team mascots along with matching stadia, and the default options are pretty good. Check that, the default options are impressively good. I don't know about you, but when I see a fictional pro team in a movie or T...

1. The All-Star Game should count for something. Wrong! I started paying attention to the All-Star Game in 1997, my first year as a baseball fan. I'm a National League guy, all the way. I don't really know why; I guess it's because the Rockies are in the NL. Oh, and since the pitchers have to bat, they're real men, unlike the pansies in the AL. (I was thinking about that the other day, though...what if the batter got a free swing at the pitcher every time he was beaned? Seems fair. Would we still think of Roger "100% commitment, 20% of the time" Clemens as a tough guy?) Anyway, I watched just about every game, I think, for the next few years, and the NL lost every time. Just depressing. It's never fun being the only human alive who takes something seriously. So in 2002, the managers used up all their pitchers (see No. 2) and the game went into extra innings, so Bud Selig decided just to end the game with a tie. I was pretty annoyed, but was heartened by t...

1. Antoine Walker was robbed at gunpoint at his home yesterday. (Fortunately, police say there were no injuries.) Does it amuse me when millionaires get robbed? Though I did root for Robin Hood as a kid, I'm going to have to go with no, I'm not amused by that specifically. Just hang on a sec. Right now, though, who's got Walker's back? His agent, Mark Bartelstein: "He's OK," Bartelstein told The Associated Press. "There was a robbery. It's a scary thing. It's a terrible thing. He's trying to get himself back together. Police are there and he's getting it taken care of." That's thoughtful enough. Walker's team, the Miami Heat, is concerned, too. Um, I think? The Heat were aware of the incident, a team official said, but had no other comment while they attempted to gather facts. Good for them! It would be reckless for the Heat to just assume Walker was an innocent victim in the whole robbed-at-gunpoint-in-his-home in...

So I really am sorry I don't write, but there's just nothing going on. (Suggestions are always welcome.) I'm considering starting another blog for when there's only baseball. I could talk about the iPhone or the Transformers movie or something. Anyway, with that out of the way... News flash: NBA teams are still doing the craziest things sometimes. The latest example is in this report from ESPN.com, which says the Orlando Magic are about to offer Seattle SuperSonics forward Rashard Lewis a contract . Don't know who Lewis is? That's fine. But that's also my point. The team's not offering Lewis just any old contract-they're offering him the max contract possible under the salary cap. That puts Lewis, a lanky 6-10 forward who's a good scorer but not near a great one, in the same salary stratosphere as legends like Tim Duncan and Shaquille O'Neal. Will he actually get paid exactly as much? I don't think so. The NBA cap has all kinds of weird e...