Hole Punch Sports

I was really being a drama queen about that Colorado History Day last week. For one, I was able to set up a TV in my office and watch some of the coverage, but more to the point, I wish I hadn't bothered. First off, it took about a week and a half until the Broncos drafted thanks to that weird, "No, thanks, we don't really want a No. 1 this year" decision, but oh, the picks they made! 2nd round, 56th pick overall: Darrent Williams, CB, Oklahoma State. So the Broncos pick up a very athletic corner. Unfortunately, he's a guy with some character issues who was suspended for last year's bowl game, which put a cap on a pretty horrendous senior campaign. Earlier in his career he was productive and has big-play ability as a corner and returner. But is anyone else scared by the fact that he's 5-8, 176? What other team would see that Randy Moss had joined the division and say, you know what, we'd really like to get smaller in the defensive backfield? 3rd round...

Saturday's one of the best days of the year-actually, two of them put together-and I can't wait to miss all the exciting action, thanks to a bigger oxymoron than "jumbo shrimp". That's right. Colorado History Day. The nice thing about working at a school is that you don't have to pick up too many weekend hours; this is only the second time I've had to come in on a Saturday. (Except the time I came in to uh, borrow a projector for the Super Bowl, but I hardly think that counts.) The bad news is when people need a lot of tech support in celebration of a completely bogus event. I mean, what are they gonna talk about? Especially since this is a big week to miss. The biggie, of course, is the NFL draft, not just because I want to see who the Broncos'll pick up, but so I can laugh at teams who pass on guaranteed sure-things like Braylon Edwards and Derrick Johnson for predictable flops like Aaron Rodgers. I don't understand why half these teams even have...

When I was a kid, I used to wrestle with my brothers and friends all the time. It’s a guy thing; who doesn’t enjoy it? But you can’t be screwing around all the time without breaking a few things. My best friend’s mom has this fancy china set sitting over in the corner of the house where there’s no chance anyone will ever accidentally breathe on or enjoy it. One time Jonesy and I were fighting over who-knows-what when some gifted young writer’s hand punched a hole in the wall on the other side of the room. Naturally, we got this painfully long lecture about all the horrible consequences of our misbehavior. Then Jonesy’s dad came home and fixed the wall in about fifteen minutes of work. Anyway, his mom said she understood we were just messing around, but if we ever damaged her china, she would kill us, and no jury would ever convict her. Those were really her words: “No jury would ever convict me.” Set aside the whole issue that if you think being a scorned woman is a legitimate legal de...