Hole Punch Sports

1. Whenever I've walked through the mall the last few months, I've always stopped and pondered the "Tulowitzki" No. 2 Rockies jersey at one of the kiosks. Was that an actual player, or just an example of a personalized jersey? Turns out that's Troy Tulowitzki , the 22-year-old shortstop who's hit 24 homers and knocked in 98 runs this season. And I had no idea who he was. In other words, no, I haven't followed the Rockies this year. It wasn't always this way. I don't know how many Rockies games I watched in the late '90s, but it was a ton. I followed some pretty horrible teams like crazy. But a few years ago it became pretty clear to me that the Rockies weren't really trying to win anymore. Management had milked the initial excitement dry, and wasn't interested in risking the money to make the team relevant again. When the team traded Larry Walker in 2004--in other words, when my favorite team got rid of my favorite player--I was actu...

For your consideration and pleasure, I hereby present the following facts after two weeks of NFL play: Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler has thrown just two touchdowns this year to three interceptions. The Broncos have needed last-minute heroics from Jason Elam to save face against teams like Buffalo and Oakland. (Against Oakland, they even needed a timeout that even I'd call cheap, had the opponent been anyone else.) The team is scoring just 19 points per game. Oh, and the Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns put up ridiculous numbers Sunday, combining for 96 points and over 1,000 yards of offense. And now the question: who has the top offense in the NFL? The answer, of course, is the Denver Broncos. Who has the top defense in the NFL? The New England Patriots. In this ranking, the Broncos tumble all the way down to No. 2. These official rankings are made solely by yardage, rather than points. (I hope this illuminates for you the foolishness of judging these thing...

From my 2007 NFL season preview : Favre's not as good as he once was-who is?-but he's not the disgrace people make him out to be...I don't think he "deserves" to go out with another Lombardi or anything, but I hope he gets to leave on a good note. Oops. What a mistake. And I even knew this day was coming. Let me say that Brett Favre deserves to go down in history with whatever records he earns, so long as a giant asterisk is placed by each and every one of them. As you may have heard, Sunday's victory over the New York Giants made Favre the winningest quarterback in NFL history. I don't know what ESPN did on TV, but this record practically went unnoticed in the places I follow sports. But it's of crucial importance to me. Why? "Maybe someday down the road it will mean a lot," a typically humble Favre said after the 149th win of his career, moving past Hall of Famer [and indisputable greatest quarterback of all time] John Elway. Humble...

So say John Clayton on ESPN.com and Don Banks on SI.com . By now you've heard that a Patriots assistant was caught videotaping the New York Jets' defensive signals Sunday. And that's where it gets hazy, and also easy to rationalize. I could swear I just read somewhere (though I can't find it) that the cameraman was on the Patriots' sideline. Wait, a dude on the other side of the field can see all your signs? Why does it matter if he has a video camera? However, more recent reports say that the assistant was on the Jets' sideline. That's even worse! If you let an opponent come over to your sideline...during a home game...with a video camera...and a clear view of whoever's signaling the defensive plays...perhaps you're not sharp enough to deserve to win. How bad is this? I'm not sure. I imagine teams try to steal signals all the time, though most of them are probably a little less brazen about it. It seems like the major issue here, from the leag...

Today I had church for three hours starting at 10 a.m. The Denver Broncos had their season opener starting at 11 a.m., and NFL games generally run around three hours. Since I went to church, I was sure to miss much of the game. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology (TiVo, Media Center PCs or, in my case, the videocassette recorder), though, I didn't have to miss a single play. For years now, fans have been able to come home, watch the game from the start and, depending on their timing, maybe even catch up with the live broadcast. (In my case, I could wait until I was certain the game was over, rewind, and then enjoy, cursing myself only when I realized the tape cuts out with 15 seconds left.) Anyway, various influences sought to keep me at the church past the conclusion of the meetings. And everyone who tried to keep me there thought it was okay to delay me...after all, I was TiVo-ing the game, wasn't I? Absolutely not. I never have and, I pray, I never will record a game ...

Some of my most loyal readers have asked when I'm doing my NFL preview this year. You guys now I did some preview stuff last year, right? And that I said the Chargers were going to suck ? Anyway, the answer is: right now. Rather than go through each team individually, I just want to focus on some key points. 1. It's the same old story, but New England and Indianapolis are the class of the NFL. It's actually a fresh story to include Indianapolis in that class, as far as I'm concerned, but they obviously belong after last year's championship. Also, Peyton Manning looked terrific Thursday night, just devastating the Saints' defense. That's not necessarily impressive all by itself-remember how the Bears tore apart the Saints in last year's playoffs. However, I feel confident saying Manning is not a one-game wonder. New England, of course, belongs in similarly vaunted territory before their season starts. Their offense upgraded with Randy Moss, one of the mos...

It's a great week to be alive. New iPods tomorrow, the NFL season opener on Thursday and, best of all, we're just one month away from egg nog season. So if I confess now, it may fly under the radar: I traded in my beloved All-Pro 2K8 towards the latest edition of Madden . A friend of mine absolutely begged me to play him in Madden (online) and, tragically, I gave in. Always stick by your principles. Put simply, Madden sucks. Well, it's OK, but it has some "features" that make me homicidal. A quick example: in this year's game, they made the "A" button, which snaps the ball, also be the button that sends a man in motion. Why? , I cried. So now the game sends your guy in motion, then automatically snaps the ball for you at the precise instant he's set. Cutting-edge technology at work. If you're me, though, you think, "what's going on, why isn't the play starting?" and press "A" again, which means that next month, ...