Hole Punch Sports

Just a few things I wanted to share with everyone. The first is easily my favorite part of every year's Super Bowl pregame coverage: Dr. Z's position-by-position breakdown of both teams . An absolutely invaluable resource for anyone who wants to know both teams' real strengths and weaknesses, even though he's picking the Giants this year for some reason. Next, the Onion had an hilarious article spoofing hardcore sports fans . Um, I'm sure they were talking about everyone but me. But mostly I wanted to mention the Onion as a segue to their awesome presidential candidate profiles , just in case you haven't seen them yet.

There is only one question heading into Sunday's Super Bowl (4:30 Mountain, FOX): do the 12-6 New York Giants have a chance against the 18-0 New England Patriots? The statistical evidence is pretty overwhelming: they probably don't. Don't believe me? Check out ESPN.com's invaluable NFL stats for yourself. Try finding a major category where the Giants finished ahead of the Patriots. Good luck. The Patriots hold the edge in offense, points scored, defense, points allowed, passing offense, passing defense, average kickoff return yardage, average punt return yardage, and average yards allowed on kick and punt returns. That leaves the Giants with an edge in rushing (134.3 yards per game to New England's 115.6) and a microscopic edge in rushing defense (97.7 yards allowed to 98.3), though they held a bigger lead in yards allowed per carry. This leaves the upset-minded prognosticator searching for more esoteric justification. Perhaps the Giants want it more? Not blood...

You do know what today is, don't you? Or, more accurately, what ten years ago was? January 25, 1998? You know, Super Bowl XXXII? That's right, ten years ago was one of the greatest days of my life, when the Denver Broncos upset the Green Bay Packers 31-24 to bring the Broncos their first NFL championship. You know how they say that for some big days, you remember every little detail for the rest of your life? Well, that's me with that Super Bowl. Like I remember: 1. Watching it at my best friend's house. The best part was when his mom, who had hitherto shown almost no interest in the sport, began rooting for Green Bay players to get injured. Do you remember Gilbert Brown, the gigantic Packers defensive tackle? The guy who no NFL team could run on, until the Broncos decided to, you know, try? The Denver offensive line began to wear him down, and it took him longer and longer to get up each play. Meanwhile my friend's mom's in the background, saying things l...

No hype, just fact: Sunday's AFC Championship Game (3 p.m. Eastern, CBS) is about as historically significant as a game can be before it starts. First, the challenger: the San Diego Chargers, winners of eight games in a row. The Chargers were just 20th in offense and 14th in defense. In terms of scoring, though, they ranked fifth in both categories, which is pretty good. Except that the New England Patriots, who had the NFL's first 16-0 season, were fourth in scoring defense and first in points...that's first in total points, all-time . Here's the thing: if the Patriots win, and go on to take the Super Bowl, one of the factors in the "greatest team ever" discussions will be their playoff performances. Did they dominate? Did they make any memorable comebacks? Did they set any records? If the Chargers win, it's the NFL's biggest upset of the decade. It might be the biggest in the major team sports, too, at least in this country. Do the 2004 Pistons c...

Chargers over Colts: I missed most of this game, but tuned in to see L.T. and Philip Rivers on the sidelines and San Diego ahead. How cool was the upset? Two years ago the No. 1 seed Colts lost to Pittsburgh in the first round, and today with homefield they again lost their first playoff game. So you'd say they choke, except last year they won the Super Bowl. Still, which one is the fluke? And do you think Peyton will ever make it back to THE big game? Giants over Cowboys: This was a good game, too (a great weekend for football all in all), though I found my mind wandering by the end. It was a weird upset, because the No. 1-seeded Cowboys didn't really play that badly. They did have a few plays that seemed bigger in retrospect, things like dropped passes, but it's impressive that the Giants were able to knock them off on the road. My favorite thing about this weekend was how well most teams were passing the ball-pretty much every team had some success through the air, w...

Packers over Seahawks: A fun game to watch, if you like the Packers. I turned the TV on when it was 14-0 Seattle. That was the high point for Seattle's postseason, since the Packers ended up winning by 22. I was stoked to see Favre play so well, and he played so under control. He didn't take any dumb chances, but he still had a cool Favre play , that one when he was falling forward avoiding a sack and flipped the ball ahead to tight end Donald Lee for a first down. But mostly it was just cool to see Favre playing with such passion and to see a playoff game in Lambeau in the snow. I know a lot of people are waiting for Favre to retire, and I know the Packers haven't been very good in recent years, so maybe it doesn't really matter if he stays or goes. But Green Bay is professional football, you know? I'd hate to see Favre retire and have such a prominent franchise fade from the national scene. I couldn't help thinking about that during the game. Patriots ove...

I've always thought rules like, "One of the home teams will lose in the second round, you just have to figure out who it is" are stupid. Even if they're true. I'm not going to predict some random overmatched team will get lucky just so I can say I went out on a limb. Some years there's a team that's clearly ripe for an upset (think Colts of the early 2000s vintage), but this year no one falls into that category. The fact is this year's NFL was made of haves (New England) and have-nots (everyone else). Seriously, though, the top two seeds in both conferences have seemed set for months, and I see no reason why they shouldn't all be favored in their games this weekend. Once again I predict all home teams will win. However, since I rode that formula to a successful and coinfliplike 2-2 record last week, I'm going to break these games down in order from most likely to least likely to be an upset: 1. Giants at Cowboys (2:30 Mountain, Sunday, FOX):...

I guess it's officially "Wild Card Weekend", but it's kinda dumb to call half of the division winners wild cards. Anyhoo, since I left this to the last minute you get no justification for my picks: Saturday: Redskins at Seahawks: Seahawks Jaguars at Steelers: Steelers Sunday: Giants at Buccaneers: Buccaneers Titans at Chargers: Chargers Go home teams! P.S. Also, the Patriots will win the Super Bowl.